PANGRAMS

By Rabia Ahmed

Pangrams, and you probably know what these are…are sentences incorporating all the letters of the alphabet, such as ‘the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog’.

Very English countryside; you can almost hear the hunt.

There are of course pangrams in languages other than English and some of them are set to specific themes. It is impossible to translate pangrams and keep all the letters of the alphabet intact, so they are somewhat lost in translation. However, here is one originally in Italian set to a xenophobic theme.  Translated it reads: ‘that blameworthy and zealous xenophobe tastes his whiskey and says: hallelujah!’

Si Signore. Maybe this is what Ms Odho was planning to say too, only she never got the chance.

And another, originally in Polish, courtesy possibly the anti marriage lobby which orders people to ‘stop threats, haughtiness and marriages!’

A fruit and vegetable theme from the Russian goes: ‘would a citrus live in the thickets of the south? Yes, but only a fake and shrunken one!

Whereas one from the Hebrew exclaims: ‘A hyena ate some lettuce flavoured carrot, and that’s it?’

One gets to hear many Jewish conspiracy theories, but this is the first about a zionist hyena.

Presuming that all these pangrams are appropriate to the culture from which they arise…that xenophobes in Italy actually follow each mouthful of whiskey with a lusty ‘hallelujah!’, that the anti-marriage lobby in Poland gives vent to slogans such as the above, that in Russia only fake and shrunken oranges and lemons survive in the south of the country, and that hyenas in the Promised Land exist on a diet of Romaine flavoured carrots and nothing else…if that is so, what, I wonder would be appropriate pangrams relating to Pakistan?

Given that the Urdu script does not lend itself to accommodating the English alphabet, entire or partial, we have no choice but to come up with pangrams in English, pertinent to the Pakistani scene. Here is one set to a bellicose theme: ‘malignant mullah Johnnies with queer frozen minds yelling appallingly bizarre verdicts into extra loud mikes.’

Which sounds about right. And a political pangram could go like this: ‘the PML-N crowd indulged in extremely flaky, jejune, zany and queer behaviour at the budget session.’

Here’s another one: ‘the People’s Party will execute its quietly dozing grandmother or barter all its values to keep its fitful majority’

And another: ‘MQM ghundas wrest bhatta from the jittery denizens of Karachi under pain of violent execution.’

Then there is: ‘Osama Bin Laden was found snoozing in bed with the execrable ISI and the Pakistan Army, quite in cahoots with our joke of a government.’

Really, this has got to be the most fun column I have ever written, even though it isn’t easy to come up with pangrams, such as, ‘a failed prayer for the juveniles of a quixotic nation: Lab pay aati hai duwa ban kay tamanna meri, zindagi shamma ki soorat ho khudaya meri.’

Do any of the children rattling off this beautiful poem in our schools ever understand what it means?

Attiqa Odho

Things happen in Pakistan, ranging from the awful to the extremely odd. This pangram below is about news that was just plain idiotic: ‘not boozy nor woozy just conveying liquor, Attiqa Odho exits jammed PK flight and resigns from APML.’

Imagine making such a fuss about Attiqa Odho and her bottles of whiskey when there are so many other problems to worry about in this country.

The rest of the news is just as silly, such as Mr. Gilani finally noticing the petrol shortage in the Punjab. He probably hasn’t noticed the CNG shortage as yet, but it will come when the time is right: ‘The PM takes note of crazy petrol shortage, by Jove, and wonders quite how long it’s existed, and why.’

Our PM’s perspicacity is always striking, not to mention our Home Minister’s capacity for mental calculation, such as when he announced that there is a “98 percent chance of Ilyas Kashmiri being dead.”

I’m really intrigued, where does this man get his information from, much less his figures?

‘If there is a 98 percent chance of Ilyas Kashmiri being quite dead, does the 2 percent mean he’s now  alive, exiled, dozing, jubilant or escaped?’

Who knows indeed?

MORNING BABBLE

By Rabia Ahmed  Printed Dawn Magazine 3 July 2011

Farah Hussain
morning show hostess

Some women possess that rare and valuable commodity: surplus time.  A number manage to utilise it effectively, but others indulge in what is tantamount to criminal offence, they watch Pakistani morning shows on television.  

It is yet to be clarified what exactly these morning programmes aim to achieve.  Do they wish to contribute to our culture, to our intelligence, sense of humour, general knowledge, understanding, or education? Do they alleviate our boredom, fill the time creatively, or do they even contribute to our dress sense?

I took my life in my hands a few times recently, glued myself to my seat with rubber solution to prevent a fast getaway, and watched some of these morning shows. This article is the result of watching (for as long as I could stomach it) women sporting sun flowers or gardenias behind their ears, dressed in the preferred mode of conifers at Noel: ….a lavish supply of baubles and spangles, a generous dusting of glitter, snow in the shape of patchy white face powder, with a selection of bows and glittering clips perched atop all this, a replacement for the hapless angel on a fully decorated Christmas tree.

Recently was a day of note with reference to illustrating my point about these programmes: three ladies wearing all of the above; in addition each wore a tikka like a chandelier on her forehead. They looked as though they were they all getting married, newly married, or taking part in some overdone bridal couture week. Very artistically, with manicured nails the size of spears, they wiped their eyes of tears shed in sorrow at the death of the talented Moin Akhtar, and delivered themselves of elaborate eulogies extolling the virtues of the deceased. If Mr Akhtar is still regaling viewers with comic skits wherever he is, this is one programme he will have used as a source of inspiration.

There are other shows, and most share a dress code. What is it with women on these shows, and what are they trying to prove? Is it the possibility of cramming the most nonsense into a confined space, both mental and physical? From feet totteringly` shod in stilts to clothing, every thing possible is thrown in, buttons, bows, layers, nips, tucks, laces, frills, colour. They also shared a certain gesture, an incessant hand movement to arrange/flick back their unconvincingly blonde hair.

And then there is the content: is marriage all that interests Pakistani women? There are programmes about relations with in laws, what to wear at weddings, how to dress the hair (for weddings), what kind of henna to apply (at weddings), and songs, dances, and even nauseatingly girly ‘keeklis’ that one can indulge in on that day of days. Often it is a question of killing time between calls from viewers, who are a whole new story altogether.

Delivered in a high piping voice, breathless with excitement:

‘XYZ Baji, mujhe bohauuuth mushkil say yay call milli hai!) (It was really difficult getting this call through!)

(Yes well get on with it then, won’t you? You’re holding others up!)

‘XYZ Baji aaj aap bohauuuth achi lag rahi hain!’ (you’re looking reeeally wonderful today!) or ‘Mujhay aap bohauuuuth achi lagti hain!’ (I like you verrrry much!)

For heavens sake is this a hoax? Or if it’s a genuine call, are you sure you have your gender preferences straight?

Baji simpers and responds saying that she likes the speaker verrry much too, indeed her love encompasses all her viewers who call in so lovingly, and bear so much affection for her in their hearts.

Sighs all around.

Next in number are the women who ask baji to wave to pappoo, chunnu, koki, or pinky on air, referring to their minor children who also love this programme.

Listen, everyone. The situation is dire and Pakistan’s fate hangs in the balance. We need intelligent, responsible citizens, aware of local and international issues to participate constructively in the affairs of this country. This includes men, women and children.

Are our children actually watching these programmes, and enjoying them? Are these women their role models? Small wonder then!

Here are some suggestions to offset the urge to watch these shows as soon as it manifests:

1. Brush your teeth:  This is an infinitely more sensible occupation, one that takes greater skill, producing more constructive results.
2. Look out the window and observe those women walking to work down the street: are they spending their time more intelligently, or will you, if you seat yourself in front of a box for an hour listening to a Christmas tree with blonde bimbo aspirations speak?
3. Blow your brains out with a gun: This is a quicker way to oblivion, and a far less excruciating experience than watching most morning shows on television.

LIZARD LOGIC

By Rabia Ahmed  Pakistan Today 28 June 2011

We share our bath-pit (it’s not a tub, it’s a pit, in an old house) with Lizzie, a tiny lizard. In this heat it needed water too, so one fine day there it was, and since it’s a very thoughtful, sharing sort of lizard and pulls its legs in when we’re in the pit to make space for us and shifts around obligingly when the pit is cleaned, we...well, we let it stay. Water, after all, is important, and we like to share ours.

Lizzie does not approve of the water brouhaha in this country every year. This whole tussle about ‘mine’ and ‘yours’ and who stole water from whom...‘whatever happened to the common interests of all?’ says Lizzie.

Pakistan’s water dispute with India involves both countries, and is therefore out of the lone hands of either to that extent. What stops this dispute from being resolved when it arises between the provinces of the same country however? Shoddy governance, or the lack of it?

Presently, the river Indus provides most of Pakistan’s water. The country’s per capita availability of water dwindled from what it was in the 1950s to one fourth in 2002, and much further subsequently. Most of this dwindling water is used for agricultural purposes, not always wisely. It is due to inefficient drainage that much of Pakistan’s agricultural land suffers from water logging and salinity. And yet, it appears according to a report compiled by the Pakistan Institute for Legislative Development and Transparency (PILDAT) in 2011 that Pakistan owes 24% of national GDP, 48% employment and 70% of its exports to agriculture.

Floods in 2010 caused damage worth billions to Pakistan’s agricultural economy. Sadly, we were able to salvage nothing, not even lessons, nor even store some of that flood water. The water came, caused untold tragedy, and went away, leaving the country devastated, once again among the water impoverished nations of the world, once again facing the probability of floods this year, still without any adequate provisions for water storage, drainage, flood defence, or any other contingency planning. Even the report produced by PILDAT was sponsored by the British High Commission.

The distribution of water has always been a source of contention between the provinces of Pakistan. The dispute continues despite the water apportionment accord signed between the provinces in 1991 due to different interpretations of the pact by each signatory. KP feels it does not receive its share of the water, Punjab reckons that as the hub of agriculture it ought to get more, Sindh accuses the Punjab of stealing its share, and Baluchistan says much the same to Sindh.

Clearly we need a bit of lizard logic in this issue.

The fact remains that Punjab is the agricultural centre of the country. Until solutions are found to the issue, the different provinces would do well to remember this, while the Punjab would do well to remember that it is not the only province that requires water.

Also, unless solutions are found to the problem of storage, waters of the Indus will continue to dwindle and soon there will be nothing to quarrel about. Sindh, in fact, should almost rename the Mighty Indus to something that better reflects its sad state within that province: maybe the ‘Iddly Piddly Indus Pond.’

More than the Indus dolphins have suffered due to this sad depletion of water. Entire communities such as fishermen living along and off the river, and ecosystems such as mangrove swamps have also been wiped out.

The responsibility for this situation rests squarely on the shoulders of the successive governments of this country who have failed miserably to bring about consensus and institute updated and more successful methods for water distribution and storage. Existing dams are silted up and largely unusable due to age and poor maintenance, and the building of further dams, even those such as the Kalabagh dam which is ready to go, has been granted little priority and less effort.

PILDATs report recommends a dialogue between all stakeholders; farmers, water experts, and elected representatives, supported by research and accurate information.

Facilitating such dialogue for this most crucial issue ought to be very high on the government’s priority list, right up there with education and health, well over and above defence. The mouthpiece of the government’s priority list, however, proclaims Kashmir to be the nation’s jugular vein, the convenient and hysterical mantra that is produced as a smoke screen for a list that has no national interests in sight.

It is something to be considered: if you employed a cook who did not cook at all, just ate everything in the fridge, would you keep him?

Transfer that to a government which provides no governance whatsoever.

Lizzie finds it all very shocking and agrees emphatically that such governments ought to be turfed out.

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THE LONG AWAITED DAWN

By Rabia Ahmed   Pakistan Today 21 June 2011

The issues on the ground are pretty basic: roti, kapra aur makan (food, clothing, and housing). The irony of course is that the political party that adopted this as its central manifesto is responsible for continuing and adding to the process whereby all three things have become completely out of the reach of the common man. In fact no political entity in Pakistan has taken steps towards resolving a single one of these three basic issues.

Sheikhu lives in a small village near Lahore. Nine persons live in his home, Sheikhu and his wife, their five children, and Sheikhu’s elderly parents. Sheikhu is one of the luckier ones, his monthly income of around Rs200 most days means that the family has more or less Rs6000 a month to live on. The two eldest children are at school, and once they have some basic education the plan is to send them out to work and then the next two or three siblings (depending on how much the children bring in) can be educated.

The family takes in one litre of milk a day. This is shared between the nine of them, the bulk being consumed by Sheikhu himself, since he works in the fields and brings in the money.

After the milk has done the rounds of the children and the aged parents in their daily cup of tea, there is none left for the mother, Sakina, who considers herself lucky to get a cup of tea with milk maybe once a week.

Sakina at thirty five with few sound teeth, could be mistaken for a woman of fifty five. Sakina would however be surprised if you told her that. Where she lives, she is no different to others her age.

Lahore is cold in winter, but in the villages among the fields and open spaces, temperatures are arctic. Yet few people dress warmer than a shawl, or at best a light sweater over their clothes, if they’re fortunate. In fact, one day, a woman stood at the edge of the Ravi with a baby in her arms, watching a boat come in. The baby wore a thin shift, and this was a bitterly cold day in January.

When asked why the child was dressed this way, she said, quite without bitterness that her child had better get used to hardship. If not, he may as well die while he was still young.

Village life for the underprivileged (what a tidy term) while pathetic has an edge over the life of city slums.

Acquiring a decrepit mud house is an upwardly mobile move for a city slum resident, since these slums are composed of mainly “anyhow ‘dwellings’”, shelters made of twigs, cardboard, odd scraps of fabric, grass or straw, whatever comes. The entire slum exists in close proximity and often in the centre of a rubbish dump. Also on the site is a stagnant pool of filthy water mixed with effluent abuzz with mosquitoes, and extreme noise pollution in the shape of a busy road featuring trucks on every side.

There is no provision for water, sewage, or any form of drainage whatsoever. Come the monsoons when luckier folks enjoy the scent of moist soil, these homes are in danger of collapse, and very often they do. The straw or twig homes of course flood, providing no shelter at all, while as for the mud homes, a caved in roof, a broken wall, an entire house dissolving into the water…all these are par for the course.

When this happens, the people who live in these homes take refuge under trees, beneath a bridge, or in any kind of shelter they can find. And with no money with which to feed themselves, they join the ranks of those who are cleared away when VIPs pass.

Over the years, these problems have only increased, and with this increase, the lifestyle of those with means has become more opulent, which is interesting, but then so have official promises turned more elaborate, and claims of success taller and ever more incredible.

The current budget promises to implement austerity measures that were given the go ahead two years ago, and to control price increases of basic commodities. Given that this goal has eluded the powers that be exactly as bin Laden did, we had best not hold our breath waiting for successful implementation of either of these measures.

A US intelligence report on Pakistan once summed the situation up by saying, ‘No money, no energy, no government.’

Faiz sums it up inimitably with these words:

Woh intezar tha jiss ka, yay who sehar tho nahin

(This is not the dawn we waited for, for so long)

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SPEAKING FOR MINORITIES

By Rabia Ahmed  Pakistan Today 14 May 2011

Both my daughter and son-in-law are left handed, which means that they do things preferably and better with their left hands. The full import of this particular form of dexterity had never hit me though until I found myself using a potato peeler meant for left handed persons in their home, or at least I tried to.

Have you ever used a left hander peeler? If you’re right handed like me, you won’t be able to, at least not without turning yourself inside out, and upside down.

Suddenly, as I stood there in the kitchen, peeler in hand, I felt alienated, almost as though I had stepped into a different world…their world, not mine. And as suddenly, without anyone intending to make me feel that way, I knew what it must be like to be part of a minority group; and most unusually, since one rarely has such metaphysical insights while making aloo gosht, my mind flew to people who were in this position as a norm, using the left handed potato peeler of life, as it were, on a regular day to day basis.

I’m not quite sure why the realisation hit me quite just then. After all I was in the US at the time of the 9/11 attacks, and was definitely one of a minority then, a minority that was certainly not very popular either. I suppose I was younger at the time, with the thick skin that goes with the age.

I have always, like many other people, detested the treatment meted out to minorities particularly in Pakistan, since what happens in this country concerns us most closely. Yet it was because of that epiphanic peeler that I understood, even to such a superficial extent, some of what it must feel like to be Ahmadi, Christian, Hindu, Jewish, Parsi, or Shia …physically disabled, dyslexic, senile…whatever, and living in Pakistan. Always having thought of it as a mercy previously, I felt my homogenised status to be an evil now, an obstacle in the way of being a more sensitive person.

Sensitivity does not come naturally to human beings, and therefore the need for religion, which is a reminder of the finer side we lose touch with while we live out our mundane lives. Like anything else, though, religion has its flip side, and persons tend towards either side, depending on where they are as a people at that particular time.

As Pakistanis, we are in rather a smelly place today: uneducated, unhinged, unmitigated oafs have our heads locked under their arms. These are people who supposedly know what Islam stands for, and who have taken it upon themselves to teach us. Are there none among their families, who march to the beat of different drums, who have other aspirations and goals in life? Heaven forbid. Life for such persons would be intolerable, as it is for those who are ‘different’ in the rest of the country.

Religious minorities in Pakistan lead a perilous life. The draconian anti-blasphemy law in force in the country is open not only to misinterpretation, but to every kind of abuse, which means that statements, however innocuous, can be twisted around and given meanings which can land the speaker in prison, in peril of his/her life, and this often happens. Matters have come to the stage where judges, government officials, politicians, journalists, anyone who speaks out against this law is threatened, subjected to assault, even murdered, and the police, under similar influence, is neither willing to register cases against such abuse, nor investigate them with any semblance of impartiality.

The fact that voices raised against injustice are silenced so brutally is probably the greatest injustice of all, because this protects all brutality, not just the one.

The Jinnah Institute published a report recently focusing on minority issues in Pakistan, particularly the problems faced by Hindus, Christians and Ahmadis, three of the most prominent minority groups in the country. The report is entitled: ‘A Question of Faith: Repeal the Blasphemy Law or Make it Flawless.’ The report recommends that if this law cannot be repealed, it should at least be couched in more precise terms, so as to make it less open to abuse. The report also points to a marked increase in violence against the three groups mentioned above, and attributes this increase to maulvis “promoting such attacks and inciting violence in their sermons and in the media.”

According to a Pakistan defence journal online, several recommendations have been put forward in this report, including the removal of impunity for the imams of mosques, police and judicial reforms and clarification of the status of Federal Shariat Courts and the Council of Islamic Ideology. The report also calls for an appointment of a “Special Ombudsman” to protect the rights of women and minorities in Pakistan.

Whether or not these recommendations are followed, the courage of those who have compiled this report must be commended.

For the rest, who I hope are right handed, I recommend a pile of grubby, tough potatoes, a left handed potato peeler, and the prayer that my own particular epiphany may overtake them all.

Amen!

KHAN VS THE MATCH FIXERS

By Rabia Ahmed   09 June 2011

Dear Mr Khan, some of us are rooting for you, mainly because the other options are worse. People say you appear to care about this country, even though you’re rather muddled. Well they are correct at least as to the last where for example on the one hand you rightly point out that Gen Kayani has no authority to negotiate with foreign governments, and on the other you threaten to block NATO supplies if American drone attacks on Pakistani territory do not stop.

May we point out that you have as yet no mandate to take any such action?

As for caring about the country, it is hard to get much out of you beyond a ranting tirade against just about everyone, and you’ve made your point. We know they’re all crooks, and going on about it is bringing you to a silly point.

How about a clear indication of what you and your party aim to achieve, and how you’re going to achieve that aim. Give us some valid reasons for giving you that mandate mentioned above, for trading Mr Ten Percent for Taliban Khan. To put this in cricket speak, you’re zooting around, all the while the asking run rate has gone up. This is not a five-day Test match, but a tense One Day game playing out on an international arena. It is not a game you can play by marching long marches, or lying around on the ground, pillow or no pillow.

It is time to play with the meat of the bat, a well aimed double wicket maiden, maybe even a hat trick, with a well considered field placement. Please note, I’m trying to use your language, which, if you ever form a government (which appears highly unlikely at present), I foresee creating some misunderstandings vis a vis the Americans…say if you described yourself as playing an ‘orthodox game’, after Abbottabad, that is.

Coming back to the present game and to the batter now on strike, he’s a real match-fixer, which you called him yourself. The aim of his side is nothing beyond staying on the field and out of the pavilion, even at the cost of the rest of the team, the game, and the country. They’re proving too expensive.

So what’s your strategy since you wish to play against them? Which players are you picking, what will your field look like? And how are you going to get the stands to support you instead? The hoi polloi in the stands may be undiscerning, yet it matters. If nothing else, it tossed the coin that brought that team in to bat, and they could do the same for you, or not.

You need to play a captain’s innings once again, so take the time off rhetoric to get your eye in and consider the field.

This is a very poor, an impoverished wicket. There are too many players near the boundaries, too far away from the game. The ball never goes their way, and the wicket is a distant dream. They must be brought in, given an opportunity to bat and toss the ball. As matters stand, they wait all day in the sweltering sun never getting a touch at the game, sawn off if ever they do. Can you change that?

Make it a level playing field. Get some good rollers and decent grounds men; make a difference. Ensure that your team plays the right shots. We’ve had too many agricultural shots and feudal cricket which uproots the turf and ruins the field. We’re sick of such play. We want an educated game, a good match. Can you provide that?

Give us some first class cricket; farm out the ferrets, the free hitters, the gougers and the hacks. It’ll be a bit like trying to pick lice out a dense matted coat, but you could at least try.

We need peace within our team and on the field. We crave a good leader, a captain who’s not in league with the bookies, one who will bend his back to the job himself. In this game of limited overs we need some fours, plenty of sixes, and as many centuries as possible. Otherwise, we lose the match. And yes we remember your great match all those many years ago, but its no use reminding us about it unless you can do it again. As a start we’d be happy with some regular singles, so long as you can stop the ducks and outright collapse. Are you in form for that?

CONVERSATION: ITS NOT EVEN FUNNY

By Rabia Ahmed | InpaperMagzine

Dawn Magazine 5 June 2011

Elizabeth Bennett and Mr Collins

Elizabeth Bennett (referring to Mr Collins' ability to pay compliments): Do these pleasing attentions proceed from the impulse of the moment, or are they the result of previous study?

Mr. Collins: They arise chiefly from what is passing at the time. And though I do sometimes amuse myself with arranging such little elegant compliments, I always wish to give them as unstudied an air as possible.
— Pride and Prejudice

Which only goes to prove that saying the right thing is not something learnt by study alone. Instead, it is the innate wish to avoid saying the wrong thing, a natural sense of what is ‘right’ and an understanding and empathy of situations and people, coupled with conscious effort that lead to most effective communication.
People who say the wrong thing set many undesirable consequences in motion, dislike being just one of them.

There is the indefatigable tryer who tries very hard but manages to say the wrong thing every time. ‘This,’ remarked Nixon, not generally noted for his social sensitivity, when he visited Paris on the occasion of the French president Pompidou’s funeral, ‘is a great day for France.’

And the time America’s ambassador to the UN urged Jews and Arabs in 1948 to sit down and settle their differences ‘like good Christians’.

There is the dueller, who thrusts and parries, always trying to drive a point home, and it is generally a barbed one. ‘Avoid all needle drugs. The only dope worth shooting is Richard Nixon,’ said Abbie Hoffman, and no it isn’t kick Nixon day today. This may not be the best example, being funnier than it is nasty, but we all have better examples around us.

There is the human bomb, who loves the sensation of saying something startling, dropping a statement in the midst of a gathering, then sitting back to watch the result. Of course although this can be an unfortunate tendency in a private capacity, it can be a useful skill for a public speaker, who manages to get his listener’s attention by starting his talk with a statement that grabs their attention. Ronald Reagan, a skilled orator began one of his speeches by saying, ‘Before I refuse to take your questions, I have an opening statement.’
What skills should one develop if the goal is to ‘say the right thing’? The first of course is to learn to listen well. This is more than plain hearing sounds with acuity. It means listening, with the mental ear to people’s words, tones and undertones, and to their pauses; to what they have said as well as left unsaid. A pause is often more pregnant with speech than words themselves. ‘Of those who say nothing, few are silent’.

The second skill is learning to use one’s eyes. Body language is oft times more eloquent than a person’s words. It has been said that feelings are 55 per cent body language, 38 per cent tone and only seven per cent words, probably the best argument for the ineffectiveness of communicating with persons with shrouded bodies and covered faces.

A smile that does not reach the eyes, a folding of the arms, a nervous tic or other jerky movements, are all indicators of a person not being in earnest, feeling defensive or uneasy.

One of the most common results of unskilled communication is misunderstanding. A tense, nervous or otherwise uncomfortable person imputes all kinds of misplaced motives to a speaker. No amount of precise speech will dispel these impressions, unless the underlying reason for the discomfort is tackled first.
Understanding the situation is the third important factor. When unexpectedly finding oneself in the midst of a conversation between relative strangers, it is an unwise person who offers a remark without first observing the situation and persons involved.

Lastly, one of the most important skills is being able to empathise with other people. While it is well to have a quick grasp , and to be able to respond with clever words, it is empathy that provides a true understanding of what may be going through the other person’s mind, and of what may be motivating him or her. It is empathy that provides the right words for the occasion based on this knowledge; empathy, which is said to be the most radical of human emotions. Without the understanding it provides, whatever is said will lack sense and heart, and may be hurtful. Such a statement will have about as much depth as anything Mr Collins could say.