STU 'N' LIZ

By Rabia Ahmed   Pakistan Today 8th April 2011

It was a bit of a surprise the royal couple changing its honeymoon plans the way it did. Wills and Kate had wished to be somewhere quite out of the way, and had settled on a spot in the mountains in Pakistan, on a house rather short of amenities, but that was all part of the charm, what? Such a far cry from their new home in Anglesey, Wales.


It was reported to be rather an exposed spot, close to sensitive military establishments which attracts less attention in Pakistan. Seeing as they had wanted to travel incognito, Kate had agreed to leave off her lace veil and train to ensure they were not recognised and they had decided to change their names for the heck of it. He was to be Stu, and she Liz, and it was all to be a great adventure. Their agent had booked a portion of what he called ‘a mansion’ for them, and had given them favourable reports of clean sheets, and of the family looking after the place.... a good looking man and his two wives, who rented out a portion of their house on a weekly basis to people with decent references.


Wills said the man looked familiar when he saw a photograph, but had put it down to the fact of there being so many Pakistanis in Britain. Kate had worried about the two wives and the subliminal effect on Wills, given the family history. But then Catherines have always been survivors, again given the history, so she’d agreed.


At the last minute though, the agent rang and said some American clients had complained something about the place made them uncomfortable. Wills was disappointed, since as per Kate’s guess, he had been secretly interested in seeing for himself how a man with two wives coordinated matters. And Kate, even though she didn’t say as much, had been curious herself. Of course the guy was really good looking too, in a faintly feline way. She could just picture him living in a cave somewhere, a gun over his shoulder...


He had been the hitch however, not being too happy with the references the agent had presented, saying that new couple were not married since they had not had a nikah, and had offered to perform one for them the day they got there.


The agent, upon checking with the royal couple had been told that while the Archbishop of Canterbury Dr Rowan Williams would be willing to perform the nikah himself as per Shariah law, the Queen had not been amused, and had asked the couple to change their destination forthwith.


So yes, it’s been quite a week, what with the Royal wedding and other events. Of course there was also the news about Osama bin Laden being shot by the Americans, our intrepid cowboy frenemies. So what now? Has Al-Qaeda been destroyed?


According to Fareed Zakaria who appeared surprisingly enough as an expert on Al-Qaeda on CNN, this is indeed the case, that with bin Laden gone, the determination and dedication of the members of Al-Qaeda has dissipated.


So all those people were blowing themselves up to become martyrs (or so they thought) all because of this one man and nothing else? Well we can take it easy then, and really, the Peerzadas of Rafi Peer fame need not have cancelled their ‘mystic Sufi festival’ in Lahore, now that bin Laden has left the field clear for the ‘celebration of the tradition of devotional expression through performing arts in Muslim and other faiths’.


Details of how bin Laden died are constantly changing, and once the Americans fix on whether or not the veteran of hundreds of campaigns died sheltering behind a woman who was his wife or maybe not, we may get some facts.


Meantime other news is that the ISI has cordoned off the area and has trained all their weapons on the compound and the surrounding area to make sure that the Americans do not return; at least not there.


Rumour has it that Wills and Kate, still keen to honeymoon somewhere in Pakistan, were wondering if the Queen will perhaps allow them to come here for their honeymoon after all. After all there could be no other place more guaranteed to enable them to remain undetected, especially on the ISI’s watch.